I have decided to create this blog as a guideline for the modern woman in this dating age.While I appreciate The Rules, I don't think all of them are entirely relevant in this age of email and texting. What exactly are the rules for texting? How quickly should you respond to a text? When should you give him your phone number? How do you know that this guy isn't going to make a skin suit out of you?
By posting my experiences, I am hoping that others can benefit from my online dating disasters. If you have some input or a relevant story, or even a new rule you would like added, just let me know.
Okay so lets get started with these rules for guerrilla dating (hey, love is a battlefield!)
Rule #1
Pay close attention to his personal profile, there are clues hidden amongst his bullshit.
Every online dating site allows their users to post a profile. This profile is usually written by the person, and like a resume, is usually chock full of little white lies aimed at making the person more marketable. Learn to identify clues such as, "I like to think of myself as being in shape, and I want someone who takes good care of their own body." Translation: I have a beer gut and back acne, but I want you to look like Angelina Jolie. Remember ladies, no matter how short, fat, ugly, or broke they may be, they still see Brad Pitt in the mirror. If he has shirtless bathroom mirror pictures the very next picture he will send will be one of his manhood in all of it's glory. When a man sends you a picture of his junk, that is immediate grounds for the reject button. If he is 40 and has never been married, that is a red flag. When his profile says “I am looking for the one,” or “I am searching for my soul mate,” it sounds sweet, but it’s a line. Translation: I am looking for perfection and I am going to harp on any flaw I can find. Immediately move on if he “wants to date, but nothing serious,” or “isn’t seeking a relationship or any type of commitment.” Men are not mysterious, there is no other meaning behind either of those statements. He wants to date multiple women and sleep with as many as possible. My all time favorite statement, “I am not the kind of guy that is looking for a one night stand.” While that may be the truth, he is still going to try to get into your pants as quickly as possible. Just because he said that wasn’t what he was looking for doesn’t mean he won’t take what he can get.
Rule#2
Move on if he continually asks you for more pictures.
If a man harasses you to send him more pictures, he is wondering what you look like naked. While it is important for him to want to see you naked, the reason he is wanting more is because he is trying to look for your flaws. He is making a list of your physical Pros and Cons to see if he really wants to date you. All he needs to see is one recent full body picture and a few recent head shots, which should be on your profile anyway.
Rule#3
No sex of any kind for at least 2 months.
This rule encompasses sex talk, sexting, phone sex, dry humping, humping of any kind, oral, anal, and any other type of sex you can think of. If he starts to talk about sex, change the subject. I don't care if you have a closet full of whips and chains and a porn collection that rivals that of Larry Flint, keep it to yourself. There is a whole new breed of player online today. He is the guy that claims he is looking for a serious relationship, he tells you about how he wants a family, he brings you flowers and stares into your eyes, he talks about how he never felt this way about anyone before, and as soon as the condom is off he suddenly remembers his early meeting first thing tomorrow morning. Save yourself this hassle, flat out refuse no matter how many pictures he shows you of little Haitian orphans he has adopted.
Rule#4
Never communicate with a man that does not have a profile picture.
The reason he doesn't have a profile picture has nothing to do with the excuses he will give you. His camera isn't broken. He isn't looking for someone who will love him for who he is not what he looks like. The truth, he's married. The fact is that about 30% of men on these dating sites are married or otherwise taken and just want to fill their time and your bed for a short period of time. Set your profile to block messages from members without a profile picture. If he calls you at odd hours, takes forever to respond to a text, or doesn’t ask to meet you after 3 weeks of communication, there is a reason. Run, do not walk, from this guy. He isn’t going to leave his wife for you. Even if he did, he will leave you the second something better comes along.
Rule#5
You are a woman in demand, you have a life that doesn't revolve around the computer, or at least that's what he should think.
Emails should be returned the following day, he needs to believe you are not interested enough to be sitting in front of your computer waiting to check your inbox. Do not log onto the site more than twice in one day, and never ever after 6 pm. Most of these sites will broadcast when you are online, you don’t want to be the girl that is always online, it looks desperate. I recommend you have email notification sent to another email address when a man sends you a message. You can usually see what they said and then that gives you time to think of your response while he still doesn’t know you have even read it. They can usually find out if you have read their emails on the site.
Rule#6
Timing is the key to communication.
As I said before, you want to be in demand. You are busy, you have plans. You also need to be careful. Do not give him your phone number first. He will give you his number when he wants to hear your voice. After you have been communicating for at least 1 week, you can send him a text. This gives him your phone number but is not a huge step up from emailing. He needs to ask your permission to call you. If he calls and didn’t ask you first, do not answer, respond with a text message. You need to wait at least 27 minutes before responding to his text messages. The reason for this, he is waiting by his phone wondering what you could possibly be doing that it takes you so long to respond to him, he is perfection after all. Never, ever, respond to one of his text messages after 7 pm Thursday-Sunday. You can respond the next morning. Disable your IM’s on the dating site and don’t agree to instant message him on another messaging service for at least 3 weeks after the first email. He wants to drag you into a communication that will enable him to know you are there sitting by your phone or computer waiting for his response. Limit this conversation to 20 minutes at the most. This is another opportunity for him to ask you for more pictures. You don’t have a webcam, you don’t take dirty pictures, you don’t want to skype. You have too much class for any of that nonsense. When you talk on the phone, limit those conversations to 20 minutes as well. Do not answer after 7pm Thursday-Sunday. Do not take more than 2 calls from him in one day. It is also good to place him on hold once during your conversation for at least 30 seconds. He needs to think you are in demand and he is in line for your attention.
Rule#7
He is Elmer Fudd, you are Bugs Bunny.
Men are hunters, they love the chase. The more of a challenge you are, the more irresistible he will find you. Answer most of his questions open ended. If he asks you if you have dated a lot, say something like “A lot? I don’t think so, but what about you?” He is trying to figure you out, once he does he will not be as interested. If he loves to fish and you hate it, don’t lie. But don’t dismiss something if you haven’t tried it first. Ask him questions; he loves to talk about himself. Let him tell you about his favorite thing to do. Pretend to be fascinated, no matter how absolutely lame it may sound. Don’t pretend to be something you aren’t, but remember it is important to listen to his likes and dislikes. You can get a lot of information about his character when he talks about his hobbies. When he asks about you, be vague. So when he asks, “what do you like to do for fun?” you respond by saying, “I am pretty easy going, I like live music, the beach, and golf; but I am up for trying anything once.” This gives him a few examples of what you like, but you didn’t elaborate too much.
Rule#8
No pet names before you have sex.
It doesn’t matter how many times he calls you sweetie, sugar, honey, or baby; don’t ever return the sentiment. Men like to attach those cute little pet names because they think it gets our panties all twisted. We usually think “OMG he called me baby!!!!” Do not get overly excited. This does not mean the same to him. Men are focused on a goal, that goal is to see you naked. If you don’t respond by calling him sugar pants he is going to wonder why you didn’t go for his line. After you have waited the mandatory 2 months, feel free to return the pet name, but don’t go overboard. Do not be the one to say it first.
Rule#9
Never show your cards first.
Ladies, no matter how sure you are that he will say it back, NEVER be the first one to express your feelings. Men don’t want to talk about feelings. They have them, but they are not nearly as concerned with them as we are. Men want to be the one desired and chased after, that is what floats that enormous ego of theirs. You have to be the one being chased. If he is not chasing you, he is not interested. To quote a line from one of my favorite movies, “If a man wants to see you he will make it happen.” Don’t worry if he hasn’t called or text, he isn’t worth it. This rule brings up an important side rule; never be the first one to take your profile down. Even if he tells you that you are the only girl he wants to date, that he wants to be monogamous with you, or even if he says he wants you to be his girlfriend; if his profile is up, he is looking for something better. It is an animalistic instinct to believe the grass is always greener on the other side. That is why some men are always on the lookout for the bigger better thing. If you have been dating a man for a few months (hopefully you haven’t had sex yet) and he still has his profile up, you need to cut your losses. He isn’t keeping in touch with friends; he is talking to other women and probably dating them. This man is the seeker, he will never stop believing that there is a supermodel out there looking for him, and she won’t even mind that he is 5’4” with a hairy ass crack. Men do not see themselves the way women do. We look in the mirror and see how we can hide our flaws; men look in the same mirror and say to themselves “damn you’re lookin’ good you sexy piece of man!”
